10.29.08

this was my day today:

6:45AM: wake up
8:00AM class
work on my PVC project
8:20AM: realize i need diff glue
8:30AM: go to Lowe's by CSUSB
9:00AM: work on project in class
9:02AM: realize it's not the glue, it's the pipe
but continue to work on it anyway.
11:30AM: get home
12:00PM: go to Lowe's to get the RIGHT pipe
get the pipe, go home.
1:20: go to the gym, work out
2:00: go to the grocery store
get some goods.
2:30: make an amazing lunch
-salad, salmon, broccoli/cheese
3:00 ralax for a bit.
5:00 watch the world series.
8:00 watch the Obama special (got teary eyed)
9:00 go BACK to Lowe's (for the THIRD time today)
get the right pipe
get home... turns out that the pipe cutters aren't cutting the pipe.
10:15: i begin to cry and feel kinda crazy.
10:20: try to calm down and decide a bath is the best policy.
10:30: take the longest bath ever. calmed down.
11:00: i get AMAZING NEWS!!! nov. 30TH HURRY UP AND GET HERE!!!

today was filled with ups and downs.
i def have a love/hate relationship with PVC pipe!

Your heart is an empty room

Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see
Is where else you could be
When you're at home
Out on the street
Are so many possibilities
To not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
'Cause you knew you were finally free

'Cause all you see is where else you could be when you're at home
Out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

And all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home
There on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

-Deathcab

Inmates

When you said you loved me...
did you really love me?
Or did the words just spill out...
like drool on my pillow?
‘Cause I was naked when you said those words,
but I felt covered in your whispered worship.

And as you passed out fast on my shoulder,
I imagined a child waiting so sad and still for his mom to arrive.
Did she leave you an orphan,
in that big, brown leather chair?
Said, “ Don’t you move a muscle, kid,
I’ll be back in twenty years,”
You were scared, you were lonely,
but you must’ve been aware;
life is a series of calluses, this is just another layer.
So, build’em up, tough it out...
Yeah, that’s your skin – don’t let anyone under there.

-The Good Life

Navesink Banks

"All hope abandon, ye who enter here"
Said the sign I read that was hanging above her bed
And the siren's all willing
But a man can't ignore the signs
You gotta keep a good eye on the winding road ahead

And my first sin was a young American girl
And my first sin was a young American girl

And I spent time 'neath the trestles
With the punks and the dimestore saints
We kept faith and a switchblade tucked beneath my coat
And I ran with dirty angels
Slept out in the rain
We were scared and tired and barely seventeen

And my first sin was the fear that made me old
And my first sin was the fear that made me old

And now I walk down by the shipyards
Near the place where I was born
Saying, "Oh Maria, if you'da known me when"
But she only smiles by the light on the Navesink Banks
Saying, "Listen baby, I know you now"

Then she steps into the river
And I just stand by the moon
Thinking 'bout a ghost I hear at night
And she says, "Your first sin was a lie you told yourself.
"And your first sin was a lie you told yourself."

-The Gaslight Anthem

Moab

They say the sun won't burn forever
But that's a science too exact
I can prove it
Watch - we're crossing the state line
See those headlights coming towards us?
That's someone going back to a town they said they'd never
They swore it on their life
But you can't break out of a circle
That you never knew you were in



There's nothing that the road cannot heal
Washed under the black top, gone beneath my wheels
There's nothing that the road cannot heal

Some will spend their precious time trying to decorate their lives
Taking measurements for some new look they want
So from one to ten, ten's exactly what I am
Zero being everything I'm not
Tell me what you like
Is it less than five?

-Conor Oberst

McCain Supporters

this video just made me cry. i can't believe the ignorance and hatred.

Voltaire

"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets"

"Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare."

"Of all religions, the Christian should of course inspire the most tolerance, but until now Christians have been the most intolerant of all men."

Trenton Doyle Hancock

MAN MAN

will we ever find the one that we were meant to love like we want to be loved
take this flight into the sun
or did they die in a dry hump fire years before we were born
when all the hogs devoured the dogs like lightening after the storm
and her lips were wet like a rose with summer sweat
and when our eyes met i knew i was through
tiptoes on cobblestones in glass stilettos
it breaks my knees when she hides her nosebleeds in my dreams as i sleep
and i know i'll never be the man that she thinks she really needs
but it don't stop me from trying to be

On the Manner of Addressing Clouds

Gloomy grammarians in golden gowns,
Meekly you keep the mortal rendezvous,
Eliciting the still sustaining pomps
Of speech which are like music so profound
They seem an exaltation without sound.
Funest philosophers and ponderers,
Their evocations are the speech of clouds.
So speech of your processionals returns
In the casual evocations of your tread
Across the stale, mysterious seasons. These
Are the music of meet resignation; these
The responsive, still sustaining pomps for you
To magnify, if in that drifting waste
You are to be accompanied by more
Than mute bare splendors of the sun and moon.

--Wallace Stevens

Tower of Terror

Jen and I on Tower of Terror

Millstone

I used to be such a burning example,
I used to be so original.
I used to care, I was being cared for.
Made sure I showed it to those that I love.

I used to sleep without a single stir,
'Cause I was about my father's work.

Well take me out tonight,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

I used to pray like God was listening.
I used to make my parents proud.
I was the glue that kept my friends together,
Now they don't talk and we don't go out.

I used to know the name of every person I'd kissed.
Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.

Well take me out tonight,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

Throw me that lifeline,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

Never hit the brakes
there's no time to save him,
He just ran out in the street
anybody know his name?
I think I recognize him
sure it's him?
... mistake

Woah.

So take me out tonight.
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck.
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

To save my life tonight.
This ship of fools I'm on will sink
A millstone around my neck
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

Under a Honeymoon

You look at me like you’ve been saved
From another one that got away.
So I’m your latest cup of tea
To keep your cold hands company,
And I will warm you.
I will calm you down.
Until those waters
Are ready to be sailed upon,
Under a honeymoon.
Under a honeymoon.

You say you’ve never felt this way
At least not this early.
We decide to hold nothing back –
We’ll act how we want to act.
And so, eventually, we became pretty good actors.
Acting and reacting and acting and reacting
Under a honeymoon.

We know the sun is gonna rise,
We tell ourselves to act surprised,
We’re comforted in our denial
That dark love can be reconciled
Oh please, oh please, …. reconcile me
From all these bad actors,
All these bad endings.

Under a honeymoon;
We want what we’re not and we don’t want to stop
‘cause it feels right –
or at least it’s feeling good,

….at least it feels good…

I always fall in love too soon,
Caught beneath the glow of a honeymoon

Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Waiting

A coma might feel better than this,
Attempting to discover where to begin.
You're weighed down, you're full of something.
Of sickness, and desertion.
You're weighed down, you're full of something,
You're underneath it all.

So say goodbye to love,
And hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush
We're all just waiting, waiting to die.

Hoping a better place is all I need,
With moments of innocence and mystery.
Oh, it's the little things you miss.
Like waking up all alone.
Oh, it's the little things you miss,
When you're underneath it all.

So say goodbye to love,
And hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush
We're all just waiting, waiting to die.

All your friends seem like enemies
When you're broken down and empty.
All your friends seem like enemies
When you're broken down and empty.

So say goodbye to love,
And hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush
We're all just waiting, waiting to die.

All I Need

night time
raining outside
window open
lights off
candle lit
in bed
listening to this
[close your eyes and picture it]


thats what i want.

Epitaph

and we'll write in the sand, "Here lies the destiny of two hurt souls afraid to be cured again... That could be our epitaph."

Language of the breeze

If what they say is true
You are a shadow in the fourth dimension
To float away with you
We see the corners where nothing happens
While we drifted we were one
Ceilings lifted walls were gone
You speak the language of the breeze
All your leaves were meant for me

Ida Scott Taylor

“Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.”
-Ida Scott Taylor

Looking Back

I have been cleaning out my room today because my new furniture arrives tomorrow. This forces me to go through all my crap from years ago, which has caused me to feel both depressed and nostalgic.

Sometimes, stepping back and looking back really helps you appreciate who you are and the person you have become.

"If we met today, promise me you'll stay awake long enough to hear me say 'let's go to sleep'"

"I thought so much about losing you that I never really had you."