William Wordsworth

That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.





i miss ryan.

Fairytale.

A man of words and not of deeds
Is like a garden full of weeds,
And when the weeds begin to grow,
It’s like a garden full of snow.
And when the snow begins to fall,
It’s like a bird upon the wall,
And when the bird away does fly,
It’s like an eagle in the sky.
And when the sky begins to roar,
It’s like a lion at the door.
And when the door begins to crack,
It’s like a stick across your back,
And when your back begins to smart,
It’s like a penknife in your heart,
And when your heart begins to bleed,
You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re dead indeed.

The Greek Slave

"The Greek Slave" - Hiram Powers

sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
inspired by the statue.

Sole

i put up a tent to daydream in.
the freedom fighter calls life a nuclear nightmare.
and if you don't like the tone of my sinking ship,
pray for me while i cry for you.

whoever i can't kill, my daughter will.
and at night, in complete silence, i can convince myself i'm psychic
as i walk through berkeley and wish i had a cause.
i know it's bullshit, but it's all i can believe in.
the more time i spend staring at people who never dare to stare,
i also know it isn't hopeless if i'm thinking this.
and avoiding cliche is like lying in my living room,
staring at the ceiling, complaining about how ugly that it's getting.

only two of my childhood friends escaped the experiment,
some were killed, some became killers.
some mourn a lack of ambition through parents
who passsed on the nest 'til there were no worms left.
the successful went on to go to college then do nothing;
if you're their fool, you're everyone's fool and no one's friend.
it's a native american thing, you'd never understand why
i've learned to eat pain like a sunday snack,
march to no tune, and got a collar and doggy biscuit.

self-taught master of sleepless hallucination.
loveless thinking pill,
learn it to dance for my sister's dog sake,
my mother's mother, and my father's veins sake.
they all wanna spill my guts into the street and wrestle me in it
like i can't digest what i can't swallow

for all the loveless pedestrians holding bloodless hands.
and when alone with death for the first time, but realize it was there all along.
the amusement park lines aren't as good as the in-my-head-lines:
this is my newest installment in my latest last will and testament series.
i see people who try too hard to be themselves
and wanna throw them lines like no one is themselves,
follow your guts to traffic.
'cause your remote control dreams are worth more to you than to them.
you have to believe me, i wrote this with a pink pen
and my face never goes red when they ask what it means.
misunderstand me in your perfect pose, while plastic seats scream, "your excellence,"
your pretty putty padded ass.

well-trained men learned to worship the lovenessness all around;
shallowness is quite becoming.
all the parts of life that are not mind-numbing experiences,
throw your hats off to those of us who can run off cheap batteries and wine.
we'd love to run you off the road and write a book about it.
if you stood between the day the little pig took the big pigs out to dinner
to eat them with barren hands
that done wrote ten million words and never got my point across.
like people afraid to be different wanna make a difference.
most nights i sleep alone and freezing and have no dreams.
tonight is different: awake and freezing, i have no skin
left for my parachute.

this advice isn't for you, it's for me; in my stomach forever.
tomorrow they'll forget me 'cause i never learned to kill for oil but then again,
i never learned to sit still and probably never will.
feel the need to hide these beautiful places until my rich man's death bed.
we can't sleep, i can't write at all in my room 'cause i had a girl there once,
and the moral of the story is...
there is no story.

City and Colour

this man is amazing.
i love these lyrics!

And you can try to fight this all you want
But I wont be there when you’re all alone
And this new season brings with it signs of hope
You can leave me waiting by the phone

And I know there is some place I can go
Where no one knows my name

And I still remember the sound of your voice
All though your silence still rings so clear
Do you think that I would call just to hear you breathe?
You always knew that just one word would dry up all my tears

And I know there is some place I can go
Where no one knows my name
No one knows my name

Chelsea Handler

i love her.

Joseph Conrad

Who knows what true happiness is
Not the conventional word
But the naked terror
To the lonely themselves,
that wear a mask
the most miserable outcast
hugs some memory
or some illusion.

-Joseph Conrad

President Obama

i will never forget where i was, who i was with, and how i was feeling at this time. i truly feel proud to be an american for the first time. i really believed in obama and i truly feel that the best man won. he is going to make a remarkable president.

10.29.08

this was my day today:

6:45AM: wake up
8:00AM class
work on my PVC project
8:20AM: realize i need diff glue
8:30AM: go to Lowe's by CSUSB
9:00AM: work on project in class
9:02AM: realize it's not the glue, it's the pipe
but continue to work on it anyway.
11:30AM: get home
12:00PM: go to Lowe's to get the RIGHT pipe
get the pipe, go home.
1:20: go to the gym, work out
2:00: go to the grocery store
get some goods.
2:30: make an amazing lunch
-salad, salmon, broccoli/cheese
3:00 ralax for a bit.
5:00 watch the world series.
8:00 watch the Obama special (got teary eyed)
9:00 go BACK to Lowe's (for the THIRD time today)
get the right pipe
get home... turns out that the pipe cutters aren't cutting the pipe.
10:15: i begin to cry and feel kinda crazy.
10:20: try to calm down and decide a bath is the best policy.
10:30: take the longest bath ever. calmed down.
11:00: i get AMAZING NEWS!!! nov. 30TH HURRY UP AND GET HERE!!!

today was filled with ups and downs.
i def have a love/hate relationship with PVC pipe!

Your heart is an empty room

Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see
Is where else you could be
When you're at home
Out on the street
Are so many possibilities
To not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
'Cause you knew you were finally free

'Cause all you see is where else you could be when you're at home
Out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

And all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home
There on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

-Deathcab

Inmates

When you said you loved me...
did you really love me?
Or did the words just spill out...
like drool on my pillow?
‘Cause I was naked when you said those words,
but I felt covered in your whispered worship.

And as you passed out fast on my shoulder,
I imagined a child waiting so sad and still for his mom to arrive.
Did she leave you an orphan,
in that big, brown leather chair?
Said, “ Don’t you move a muscle, kid,
I’ll be back in twenty years,”
You were scared, you were lonely,
but you must’ve been aware;
life is a series of calluses, this is just another layer.
So, build’em up, tough it out...
Yeah, that’s your skin – don’t let anyone under there.

-The Good Life

Navesink Banks

"All hope abandon, ye who enter here"
Said the sign I read that was hanging above her bed
And the siren's all willing
But a man can't ignore the signs
You gotta keep a good eye on the winding road ahead

And my first sin was a young American girl
And my first sin was a young American girl

And I spent time 'neath the trestles
With the punks and the dimestore saints
We kept faith and a switchblade tucked beneath my coat
And I ran with dirty angels
Slept out in the rain
We were scared and tired and barely seventeen

And my first sin was the fear that made me old
And my first sin was the fear that made me old

And now I walk down by the shipyards
Near the place where I was born
Saying, "Oh Maria, if you'da known me when"
But she only smiles by the light on the Navesink Banks
Saying, "Listen baby, I know you now"

Then she steps into the river
And I just stand by the moon
Thinking 'bout a ghost I hear at night
And she says, "Your first sin was a lie you told yourself.
"And your first sin was a lie you told yourself."

-The Gaslight Anthem

Moab

They say the sun won't burn forever
But that's a science too exact
I can prove it
Watch - we're crossing the state line
See those headlights coming towards us?
That's someone going back to a town they said they'd never
They swore it on their life
But you can't break out of a circle
That you never knew you were in



There's nothing that the road cannot heal
Washed under the black top, gone beneath my wheels
There's nothing that the road cannot heal

Some will spend their precious time trying to decorate their lives
Taking measurements for some new look they want
So from one to ten, ten's exactly what I am
Zero being everything I'm not
Tell me what you like
Is it less than five?

-Conor Oberst

McCain Supporters

this video just made me cry. i can't believe the ignorance and hatred.

Voltaire

"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets"

"Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare."

"Of all religions, the Christian should of course inspire the most tolerance, but until now Christians have been the most intolerant of all men."

Trenton Doyle Hancock

MAN MAN

will we ever find the one that we were meant to love like we want to be loved
take this flight into the sun
or did they die in a dry hump fire years before we were born
when all the hogs devoured the dogs like lightening after the storm
and her lips were wet like a rose with summer sweat
and when our eyes met i knew i was through
tiptoes on cobblestones in glass stilettos
it breaks my knees when she hides her nosebleeds in my dreams as i sleep
and i know i'll never be the man that she thinks she really needs
but it don't stop me from trying to be

On the Manner of Addressing Clouds

Gloomy grammarians in golden gowns,
Meekly you keep the mortal rendezvous,
Eliciting the still sustaining pomps
Of speech which are like music so profound
They seem an exaltation without sound.
Funest philosophers and ponderers,
Their evocations are the speech of clouds.
So speech of your processionals returns
In the casual evocations of your tread
Across the stale, mysterious seasons. These
Are the music of meet resignation; these
The responsive, still sustaining pomps for you
To magnify, if in that drifting waste
You are to be accompanied by more
Than mute bare splendors of the sun and moon.

--Wallace Stevens

Tower of Terror

Jen and I on Tower of Terror

Millstone

I used to be such a burning example,
I used to be so original.
I used to care, I was being cared for.
Made sure I showed it to those that I love.

I used to sleep without a single stir,
'Cause I was about my father's work.

Well take me out tonight,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

I used to pray like God was listening.
I used to make my parents proud.
I was the glue that kept my friends together,
Now they don't talk and we don't go out.

I used to know the name of every person I'd kissed.
Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.

Well take me out tonight,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

Throw me that lifeline,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

Never hit the brakes
there's no time to save him,
He just ran out in the street
anybody know his name?
I think I recognize him
sure it's him?
... mistake

Woah.

So take me out tonight.
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck.
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

To save my life tonight.
This ship of fools I'm on will sink
A millstone around my neck
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.