All I Need

night time
raining outside
window open
lights off
candle lit
in bed
listening to this
[close your eyes and picture it]


thats what i want.

Epitaph

and we'll write in the sand, "Here lies the destiny of two hurt souls afraid to be cured again... That could be our epitaph."

Language of the breeze

If what they say is true
You are a shadow in the fourth dimension
To float away with you
We see the corners where nothing happens
While we drifted we were one
Ceilings lifted walls were gone
You speak the language of the breeze
All your leaves were meant for me

Ida Scott Taylor

“Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.”
-Ida Scott Taylor

Looking Back

I have been cleaning out my room today because my new furniture arrives tomorrow. This forces me to go through all my crap from years ago, which has caused me to feel both depressed and nostalgic.

Sometimes, stepping back and looking back really helps you appreciate who you are and the person you have become.

"If we met today, promise me you'll stay awake long enough to hear me say 'let's go to sleep'"

"I thought so much about losing you that I never really had you."

Rules of Attraction

I want to moan and writhe with you and I want to go up to you and kiss your mouth and pull you to me and say "I love you I love you I love you" while stripping. I want you so bad it stings. I want to kill the ugly girls that you're always with. Do you really like those boring, naive, coy, calculating girls or is it just for sex? The seeds of love have taken hold, and if we won't burn together, I'll burn alone.
Brett Easton Ellis - The Rules of Attraction

Waste of Paint

I have a friend, he is mostly made of pain.
And he wakes up, drives to work,
and then straight back home again.
He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper.
I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover.
And I tried to tell him he had a sense
of color and composition so magnificent.
And he said

"Thank you, please
but your flattery
is truly not
becoming me.
Your eyes are poor.
You're blind.
You see,
no beauty could have come from me.
I'm a waste
of breath,
of space,
of time."

I knew a woman, she was dignified and true.
And her love for her man was one of her many virtues.
Until one day, she found out that he had lied
and she decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie.
But she was grateful for everything that had happened.
And she was anxious for all that would come next.
But then she wept.
What did you expect?
In that big, old house
with the cars she kept.
"And such is life," she often said.
With one day leading
to the next,
you get a little closer to your death,
which was fine with her.
She never got upset
and with all the days she may have left,
she would never clean
another mess
or fold his shirts
or look her best.
She was free
to waste
away
alone.

Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove.
And this cop he pulled him off to the side of the road.
And he said, "Officer! Officer! You got the wrong man.
No, no, I'm a student of medicine, a son of a banker, you don't understand!"
The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful.
And your carelessness, it is something awful.
And no, I can't just let you go.
And though your father's name is known,
your decisions now are yours alone.
You are nothing but a stepping stone
on a path
to debt,
to loss,
to shame."

The last few months I have been living with this couple.
Yeah, you know, the kind who buy everything in doubles.
They fit together, like a puzzle.
And I love their love and I am thankful
that someone actually receives the prize that was promised
by all those fairy tales that drugged us.
And they still do me.
I'm sick, lonely,
no laurel tree,
just green envy.
Will my number come up eventually?
Like Love's some kind of lottery,
where you scratch and see
what's underneath.
It's "Sorry",
just one cherry,
or "Play Again."
Get lucky.

So I've been hanging out down by the train's depot.
No, I don't ride.
I just sit and watch the people there.
And they remind me of wind up cars in motion.
The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions.
And I want to scream out that it all is nonsense.
All your life's one track,
can't they see it's pointless?
But just then, my knees
give under me.
My head feels weak
and suddenly
it's clear to see
it's not them but me,
who has lost my self-identity.
As I hide behind
these books I read,
while scribbling
my poetry,
like art could save a wretch like me,
with some ideal ideology
that no one could hope to achieve.
And I am never real;
it is just a sketch in me.
And everything I made is trite
and cheap
and a waste
of paint,
of tape,
of time.

So now I park my car down by the cathedral,
where the floodlights point up at the steeples.
Choir practice was filling up with people.
I hear the sound escaping as an echo.
Sloping off the ceiling at an angle.
When the voices blend they sound like angels.
I hope there’s some room still in the middle.
But when I lift my voice up now to reach them.
The range is too high,
way up in heaven.
So I hold my tongue,
forget the song,
tie my shoe
start walking off.
And try to just keep moving on,
with my broken heart
and my absent God
and I have no faith
but it's all I want,
to be loved.
And believe,
in my soul.
In my soul.
In my soul.
In my soul.

-Bright Eyes

Tainted

"I admit and deny nothing... for if you believe me tainted in your eyes, I must be."
-A.M.G.

someone said this to me today and i thought it was pretty profound.

Longfellow

"Look not mournfully into the past, it comes not back again. Wisely improve the present, it is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future without fear and with a manly heart."
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Ode to Tim Kasher

"An Empty Bed"



"Album of the Year"



speaks for itself.
i love him.
so much.

Heart of Chambers

In your heart of chambers
where you sit
with your picture books
and your ancient wit
In that nook I found you
so old and tired
would you be the one to carry me?
I'd like to be someone
you could finally learn to love again

Made our iron bed side
cold as graves
so we stoke the organs
that may comfort grace
and they conjured spirits
to make you smile
would you be my long time baby?

I'd like to be someone
you could finally learn to
breathe
at our sides
let's take the time
to mend these smiles
to get them
could make it home
love is surprises
live our own lives

In our beds we're the lucky ones
filled with the sun
In our beds we're the lucky ones
fill us with the sun

Letting Go

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”
- Hermann Hesse

Hansel & Gretel

hansel said to gretel, "let us drop these bread crumbs so that together we find our way home because losing our way would be the most cruel of things."

losing your way on a journey is unfortunate but losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel. the journey didn't last long. sometimes i traveled alone. sometimes there were others who took the wheel and took my heart. but when the destination was reached it wasnt me who arrived. it wasnt me at all and once you lose yourself you have two choices. find the person you used to be or lose that person completely... because sometimes you have to step outside the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

T.H. White

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically -- to those who hardly think about us in return."
-T.H. White

paul baribeau

name ten things you wanna do before you die and then go do them.
name ten places you really wanna be before you die and then go to them
name ten books you wanna read before you die and then go read them
name ten songs you wanna hear again before you die, get all of your friends together and scream them

think of all the things that are wrong with your life and then fix them
think of all the things that you love about your life, be thankful you are blessed with them
think of all the things that hold you back and realize that you don't need them
think of all the mistakes you have made in your life, make sure that you never repeat them

because right now all you have is time time time
name ten thousand reasons why you never wanna die, go and tell someone who might've forgotten
try to list the endless reasons why it's good to be alive, and then just smile for awhile about them

soon the sun will rise and another day will come
soon enough the sun will set, another day will be gone
and right now all you have is time time time
but someday that time will run out.
that's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.
-- paul baribeau

Walden

"Live each season as it passes. Breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, but resign yourself to the influences of each."
-Henry David Thoreau

Jack Kerouac

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”

definitely one of my favorite writers of the 20th century!

Rebecca

i've been really into old movies lately... mainly from the 1930's/40's.

i love this film, and no... not just because it's called "Rebecca".

"happiness is something i know nothing about."